Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
