i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
