When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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