Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
