I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Operation Purity has been aborted
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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