i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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