ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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