if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
