First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
