Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
