soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Houston, we have a blender
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
