so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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