I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
