Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
