we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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