I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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