Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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