What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
