is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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