You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
