Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
