Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
