College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize