I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You smell like stripper and shame
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
