Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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