She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
