I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
