the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
