for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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