addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
