it wasn't lemon gatorade
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
