at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
whose parrot is this?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
