Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
