The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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