Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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