Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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