did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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