I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
