i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
