I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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