My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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