I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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