So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
