Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
