i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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