just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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