My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
