I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
