Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
