first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Boobs speak an international language.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
