I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
