he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
