i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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