I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
