I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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