I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
