I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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