I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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