with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
