If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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