I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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