Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
