I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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