Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
