You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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