i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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