I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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