I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to align my fucking chakras
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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