Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
