Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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