May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
