Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
