He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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