i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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