Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
