Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
