I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Did I show you my penis last night?
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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