Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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