Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
