dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
