you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
