I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
