I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
