Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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