He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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