my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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