omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
