haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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