Screwed.edu
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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