Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
