I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
