She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ugly people sure do ruin things
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
